2024 S. E. Asia

Prostitute at a funeral

It was time to make a decision, do I head North to Ba Be Lake and the huge waterfalls on the Chinese border or West towards Laos? I collected Lilly from the bike shop. They had fitted a new gasket to stop the oil leak. I could see the new gasket but I was sure the oil was seeping from a lower point.

I had picked a hotel just 97km from Hanoi at Ton San. I was heading West. My thinking was that to complete the trip to the Chinese border then across to Laos is about 15 days and I have done a lot of it before, so I was headed for the Dinosaurs Spine. A ridge along the top of a mountain range in Tu Xua.

Riding from Hanoi I was in jeans and a hoody. Before long it was clear that I’d need my jacket as it was cold. Less than ten minutes later my optimism was gone as the rain started. To put it into context, it’s not bad as the temperature is still ok, it would just be nice to be in the sun.

I think, from the lack of photos, you can tell the journey was just a means to make miles. A few short hours later I arrived in Tan Son. A small town, just a stop over at a great looking family home stay. It’s not a spare room situation, as the name implies. It was a small hotel.

The room on the third floor was nice enough despite the bathroom smelling of cabbage (weird). The bed, rock hard and the TV not working. In town I found a shop that had a sign stating Coffee, Food and Massage. Inside an elderly woman asked if I wanted a massage. Errr No, just a coffee please. Two younger girls appeared and via Google translate I got coffee, just a coffee.

It was early but I went back to my room and dozed on the bed. It was cold and the constant rattle of a piece of machinery in the building didn’t help. About 9pm I was woken by the sound of a party, at 10pm the noise of drums and trumpets was too much. If I can’t sleep let’s party. I walked back into town in the drizzle and located a group of about 30 people, some wearing white headbands, in the middle of the gazebo was the ‘band’. It was so loud. I looked in and was joined by a man wearing a brown suit. “Is this a party?” “Yes, a special party for a funeral” “Oh I’m sorry I will leave you to carry on” I sort of bowed my head and stepped backwards, but he wanted to say more (all via translate). “You can join us, we have prostitutes!” What is this town for goodness sake. I left and headed back for more restless sleep.

It wasn’t supposed to be a week off the bike but I had booked 4 days in Hanoi and then I booked a two day excursion and another night in the hotel before heading off again.

My hotel, well apartment, was a fair way from the old quarter that I had enjoyed on my last trip. That meant plenty of walking and coffee. The weather was kind but not brilliant.

I was told the ride to Ha Long Bay was all busy dual carriageway and no fun on a bike. I looked into, and booked a trip. But before that I dropped the bike into the Hanoi branch of Tigit. They looked at the oil leak and without question, agreed to fix it under warranty.

The bay has been formed over the last 570 000 000 years. (Mind blown). The limestone peaks that rise from the water were once mountain peaks but due to tectonic plate activity and rises in sea levels in the area the peaks have now been eroded to their current, incredibly beautiful shapes. Over 2000 islands exist in the bay.

Well I had every intention of going to Mua Cave in the morning. Firstly I got up late with a bit of a dehydrated head. Breakfast was a bit rubbish in the hotel. So I packed all my stuff and vacated the room. Leaving my bags in reception I went to get coffee. I decided to stay another day as there are some wonderful sights but not with the visability we have today. Mua Cave is under the dragons stairway that leads to the top of a khast with breathtaking views, only not today. I quickly booked a bamboo lodge close to the cave so I could get up early and get up there, hopefully in the dry, before heading off to Hanoi.

That delightful bamboo shack I booked, worst place I’ve stayed so far. The roombooked for one but there were critters running round in the loft. The toilet seat was broken, the shower head so clogged the barely warm water could hardly get out. I think three of the things I ordered from the menu weren’t available. What I did have was nice though

The weather was still overcast and low visability. I decided I would miss the climb. I made for a coffee shop, sitting in my waterproofs a bit miffed at the weather. I finished a few tasks on here, FB and polarsteps. Before I knew it I had been there an hour and suddenly I could see a few hundred metres. That’s it back to the Mua Cave

And so it was that with 97km to go, I hopped on the bike, really happy to have got that done. I was on the main road to Hanoi and it slowly got more and more busy. I stopped to get Lilly bathed. Two people worked for 15 minutes to jet wash, lather, rinse and dry her. It cost £3.20. Jumping back on she wouldn’t start, I knew it would be water in the plug cap and so did matey. As quick as I pulled the cap off he was plugging in the compressed air. Seconds later we were back on the road and instantly sprayed with muddy water as a lorry splashed through a puddle.

And so to Hanoi, I knew it would be crazy riding and it didn’t disappoint.

Time to downsize the luggage again. I was sure I could get down to just one bag on the bike and a rucksack. It worked a treat, freeing up the rear saddle, which is a much better seat for me. It makes me look huge on the bike and way taller than everyone around me. I routed through Vinh town and it was so much fun. The traffic was mad and the bikes and scooters are king, making so much faster progress than the cars.

There was a Highlands cafe. I dived in. I sat outside and was joined by a young lady who high fived me and wished me a happy new year. It is the Vietnamese new year this week. I thought, from her outfit, she worked at the store. With very little English we used Google translate. She is from District one on Hanoi. All good and to confirm Q. “Do you work here?” R. “Yes I work, I am model, horny”. So do I trust Google? Is she a model? She is pretty enough but the very yellow teeth would need airbrushing out of any photos. I’d seen the teeth when she accepted one of the tiny cakes I offered her. Or is she a prostitute? Q. “When will you be working next?” R. “On Tuesday after the snow”. Well Google I can only guess shes a prostitute who is going to spend the week snorting coke! Luckily she ran out of things to say and with a high five she was gone.

The HCM Trail was very uninspiring today, very straight and very busy. I didnt take any photos of the road as it was just that with shanty towns all the way. In one little town there was a market and I thought it would be fun to check it out. It certainly was fun as I was like the entertainment, being greeted by every stall holder. Some of the meat products looked a bit suspect though.

Shortly after resuming the ride I came across an accident. There were people in attendance and I obviously slowed down to pass the lorry which was in the middle of the road. I could see an arm sticking out from under it. I was prepared to stop and help with first aid but it was very clear this pedestrian was no longer with us.

Statistics show the fatal death toll on UK roads is 25 per million people per year. In vietnam its 170 per million. Horrific but a huge decrease in the last 10 years apparently. Part of the fun of riding here is the lunacy of it all but amongst the chaos you see the logic and you see that no one wants to hurt anyone. However I do wonder about the condition of some of the vehicles. For me it’s about self preservation and I am always fully concentrating on the road.

It was a long ride and I was glad to find my hotel was very nice. I walked into the town and found a nice resteraunt.

As I sat there munching away a message arrived from Levi and Zay. They had come to Ninh Binh as well. A short taxi ride took me to the bar where we met up. I can only tell you we laughed a lot, we met other travellers and I shouldn’t drink. Shortly after midnight the taxi dropped me back to the hotel. I was wasted!

Grey, grey, grey. Today was grey with rain, maybe I’ll just let you know when it isn’t. It was going to be a long run but I’ve got the gear so let’s crack on.

I was almost immediately back on the HCM Trail. Only now it was a whole lot less twisty.

The church was pretty as you can see, in stark contrast to the village surrounding it. It seems religion is always wealthy. As I walked around two young lads came up on an electric scooter. The passenger held out his hand “Give me money”. I said I didn’t have money to give, to which he stuck his middle finger up and both rode off. Such a shame, I would have given them something with a little more engaging behaviour. Maybe they don’t realise that yet.

At Ban ?? I was routed through a tiny gateway off the main road. Other bikes also filtered through this short cut. Not just a short cut but an open air monument and museum and art installation. I had to stop

There was no one about to ask anything and no signs to help. I used Google translate on one sign near the aircraft and it said,’its ok to climb on the exhibit’. I wasn’t sure that was a great translation, but more of that later.

I was up at 8am and packed all my stuff away, but I wasn’t leaving I was moving room as I had decided to stay an extra night to enable me to do the cave trip I booked last night. Pick up was 8.30, that came and went, as did 9am. Checking the booking I had made the error of booking it for the next day. So I booked a third night. Now what?

I checked over the bike and adjusted the chain. It needs a wash so maybe I’ll find somewhere to do that and it’s due an oil change. I walk towards the tiny town square, noting a bike repair shop. It’s closed but could be ideal tomorrow. In the square I get myself a coffee and some banana and chocolate pancakes. I’m watching the world go by when another XR150 pulls into the square, a non plastic helmet is a give away, it must be another traveller. I walk over to the guy who has met up with another, I introduce myself just as they are striking up a conversation with a lady in a ticket booth. Suddenly one of them asks “Hey, do you wanna go caving?” Well, yes I did.

And so it was that myself, Levi and Zay booked a tour boat for three before we even introduced ourselves. It turns out they are brothers from California also travelling north to Hanoi on bikes.

Zay is ex military and now works on event production and staging. He has travelled plenty, while Levi has returned to study at Harvard University after a career in IT. He has done lots of motorcycle adventures with over 40 countries ticked off. They were huge fun to be around.

Phong Nha is situated in the Ke Bang National Park and is home to Tigers, Black bears and elephants, as well as spectacular limestone casts amongst the towering mountains. The caves were only discovered in the 1990’s and turned out to be some 37km long. The lower cave entrance is big enough to take the boats used by our guide. The stalagtights formed of various elements contained in the dripping water have built up over millions of years.

It was a fairly long river journey to the two caves we were going to see but wow was it worth it. Our timing couldn’t be better and it seemed we had the cave system to ourselves, well us and the bats.

Whilst on the boat I managed to cancel my trip for the following day. That left me with a dilema as I now had the hotel booked for another night. Anyway back on land we decided we would meet up that evening for a meal.

The Lantern restaurant was fairly busy and had a great atmosphere. We spent a few hours chatting eating and enjoying the buy one get one free drinks. The guys also met four others they had previously travelled with. It was great fun. I’m going to have to stop saying I don’t drink!

Its time to hit the Ho Chi Mihn Trail. I thought it would be a long day and on advice I decided to make the trail a two day trip. Locating somewhere to stay could be an issue so I booked a hotel in advance at Khe Sanh. As I expected it was raining as I loaded the bike. Full waterproofs and almost dry gloves to start the day.

The hotel was dire. I was freezing cold and wet. There was no heater in the room and the bed had just a mattress cover and a blanket and the whole place smelt like damp feet. I changed and went to walk the town. Luckily I found a coffee shop and cafe.

I was in bed early trying to keep warm, fully clothed and watching a film on the TV which due to no aerial was like watching in a snow storm. I didnt last long and barely woke at all during the night.

Leaving early was not an issue. At least I had warmed up a bit during the night. A quick look told me it would be full waterproofs again, only this time I’d also be wearing a hoody. 8.00am and I chugged away from Khe Sanh. The roads were busy initially but soon thinned out.

I was having so much fun. The roadside threw up some interesting obstacles. Water buffalo, dogs and puppies are run of the mill. Then I saw a troop of monkeys sprint across the road and a short while later a tiny piglet. At times I was hitting 80kmh (50mph) and just weaving along happily, ever aware of little hazards such as mud, rocks, landslides, chickens, other vehicles and severely sharp corners. Other times I was down in second gear climbing the hillsides. I was loving it. Loving it so much I failed to stop for lunch and eventually turned up at my hotel having eaten nothing all day and only a small bottle of water. I was also wet and cold. The shower was boiling hot for about two minutes or until I was fully lathered, then the hot gave out. I’m not sure if I yelped or entered into a fit of tourettes.

Having warmed up by climbing into bed I thought it about time to find food. A vegan resteraunt did the most amazing spring rolls and vegetable fried rice. I went to bed happy, having booked a second night with the intention of going on a caving trip.

I’d been looking forward to this stage of the trip. The only bit I really planned in Vietnam, but you can’t plan for the weather. 18°C and raining might not seem cold but it sure was. The Hai Van Pass was hopefully going to be spectacular and within reason it was. The road twisting up into the hillsides that hug the coast line, twisting and turning, encouraging more and more throttle. What didn’t encourage more throttle was reduced visability and greasy road. Even so, it was over way too soon.

For good measure it rained pretty much all the way and on arriving at the hotel in Hue, I presented as a drowned cat.

I walked the citadel for a good three hours and still didn’t see it all. Worn out and damp I found a pizza shop where I feasted before bed.

I had a day off the bike in Hoi An and it gave me time to adjust the chain, throttle cable and do a general check over.

That done I jumped in a taxi to the old town to see the spectacular Japanese bridge.

Next morning it was time to move the 26km to Da Nang. Luckily it was just a short run as the rain was heavy. I have a hotel in the town near the dragon Bridge which I hope to see tonight.

It didnt stop raining all day so I sat in a bar and watched the Australian Open Tennis.

The dragon Bridge breathes fire but being well trained only on Saturday and Sunday. I went to the night market as its a highlight apparently. Well I had need of a lightweight waterproof, the type I saw all over the place yesterday but couldn’t find today. So back to the bar for supper and then bed.

Wednesday (I had to check). Off to SunWorld at Ba Na Hills. Its a Disneyland type place for the Vietnamese. Based on historical looking French buildings this fake town lives 2km above sea level with astonishing views from the golden bridge

Ah look, I can’t control the weather nor the crowds but I got there early and had a good few hours looking round.